Note from the Editor: This is the third installment of what (apparently) will be a recurring column. Peyton knows there’s more than enough dirt going on in this City to fill three weekly columns. But I digress. Under no amount of torture, threat of litigation or tickling will I reveal the identity of Von Tiny Paige, because I have no idea who he/she is. Please enjoy.
FROM VON and the well meaning people at Tiny Paige
Note: none of this will seem funny to you if you are suffering from property damage from your faycation.
The answer? We guess about 100 plus a dozen or so city trucks, lots of fossil fuels, city workers, prisoners?, and some of the best quotes EVAH!
Honorable Congresswoman Brown:
My roof cave in!
I been here 16 years!
I had to call and call like anybody else.
Fair to pay for it?
They some fumes back there. Some biological spillz. On my back. You go take a look at it. Its a mess.
From CHIEF OF STAFF HOLLINGSWORTH:
She is a single woman.
Anybody, um, might have done the same thing.
I heard the panic in her voice.
From CITY COUNCILMEMBER LEE:
I didn’t call anybody. I don’t want free sand bags and I don’t need free sand bags. Or labor. Or the fuel that it costs to get all those trucks to my house for no good reason. But you know what is good? Cinnabons at the airport. TASTEE!
From JaxOutLoud.com:
The people of Jacksonville are outraged, and this is an issue that needs to be addressed and action taken on behalf of the administration! Hollingsworth should not get away with this!
From Metrojacksonville.com:
A 62 year old woman who got sandbags in a flood is A OK with me.
With the story now on Drudge, Von is fairly certain we will have a thorough accounting on how much this humanitarian effort costs us flooded out taxpayers and a breakdown on how these victims of Hollingsworth’s human-ess will pay us all back. Von loves me some Duval. This crap writes itself.
Shout out to the LOCAL STATION for even asking the tough questions! When we get pictures of the caved in roof and biological spillz somebody check the freezers! WINK WINK!
THE VTP
Send tips on abuses of power. abuses? Von’s been here 3 weeks! 3 weeks! vontinypaige@gmail.com
